I have just watched a total humiliation of England at the MCG and I’m not sure where I go from here. There are some mitigating circumstances in this series – covid bubbles, no warm up matches, some injuries, but really only Jofra Archer mattered.

Losing at Brisbane was unsurprising, but the manner was disappointing. Losing in Adelaide was worse and bizarrely, Joe Root seemed to blame the bowlers in a match where the batters failed in both innings.

Melbourne was a complete capitulation. To lose by an innings (and more) where our bowlers, especially Jimmy Anderson, dug deep and limited the Aussies to 267 is unbelievable. Scott Boland, on debut, ended with figures in the 2nd innings of 6 for 7 off 4 overs. He bowled well, but nothing about his bowling merited those numbers. England’s batters were just rubbish.

A day at the Boxing Day test in Melbourne has been on my bucket list ever since I came to know what a bucket list is. My mate Simon lives in Melbourne and I was planning to go this year, until covid. Anyone can see by looking at previous posts on this blog that I am by no means a fair weather fan of English cricket. I have stayed up for most of the nights in recent weeks, even taking some time off work to make that possible. I now question whether doing that for the remaining tests makes any sense. If the players don’t care, why should I? But do the players care? I think they do, but do the administrators? Maybe that’s a more relevant question.

What’s Wrong with Test Cricket in England?

England won the One Day World Cup in 2020 by the narrowest of margins after an amazing innings from Ben Stokes. In 2021, there was an international T20 world cup for which England were well fancied, but fell at the semi final stage. Preparation for both of those tournaments was intense, meticulous and highly professional. Eoin Morgan would have it no other way.

By contrast, the test team have been messed around throughout the covid period and even before. Players have been “rested” and “rotated”, especially those that play in multiple formats, in favour of the white ball guys. In early 2021, England did well in Sri Lanka, but they were weak and England relied heavily on runs from Joe Root. The subsequent series in India, after a great start in Chennai was disastrous, with key players being sent home at completely inappropriate times. India are the best team in the world, but we seemed to be arguing that this series was less important than the T20, or even the distant Ashes. India came to England later in the year and were seemed about to beat us in a series until they decided to run away from the last test to ensure that they were okay to play in the IPL. Gotta look after the income.

That last point is exactly what is wrong with test cricket. The short forms make more money, so are prioritised. The ECB introduced the “Hundred” this year. I watched a couple of games at Edgbaston, but really, what’s the point? No connection with the team (or franchise), essentially T20, but slightly shortened for no adequately explained reason. Frankly, a load of bollocks. It prepares our best batters (think Liam Livingstone) to have a fantastic career in the various T20 competitions around the world, but what does it do for the Test Team? It destroys it!

Why? All the best dates in the English cricket calendar are dominated by short forms, which means that real cricket (red ball, first class, whites, 2 innings, 3+days) is played in snow in April or the rain in September. If they even get onto the field, conditions are so bowler friendly that we just see a bunch of 75MPH dobbers taking loads of wickets. No place for spinners or real pace bowlers. What preparation for Australia (or India) is that?

Where Now?

Two matches left in Australia. Honestly, I wish they would just come home. Maybe covid will result in that. I really don’t want to commit to any more sleepless nights, but if England are playing, I will. I can’t help myself.

Longer term, there will probably by a “review” after the 5-0 whitewash that is inevitable now. The outcome of the review will be almost nothing. Probably, Chris Silverwood will be stripped of his “supremo” status which was always doomed – Ray Illingworth was the only previous incumbent to have that degree of power and he failed, too. No change at all will be made to the schedule of the season – they are just too invested in the Hundred.

Destined to fail.